Love, Sex and Grindr

This column originated in questions that I’ve gotten from my clients, such as: Is it true that too much Grindr or Scruff sex makes you numb? Does Grindr encourage sex addiction? My friend met his husband on Grindr: why can’t I? Has Scruff replaced dating and going to bars? Grindr,...

90 Seconds

I used to hate science in high school. In my class of 68 people (Wellington High School class of 1971), our biology teacher was completely incompetent and our physics teacher gave you extra credit if you went to the high school wrestling matches (you guessed...

Cry. Laugh. Feel.

Many people tell me that I don’t look my age (66). When they ask me: “What’s your secret?” I can honestly say, “Feeling your feelings is crucial.” That doesn’t mean you have to express your feelings to or at another person (that creates drama, and is a...

I Don’t Want to Get Older

Dear Michael:  I don’t want to get older. I look at old gay men and I don’t like what I see. I don’t want to die young (I’m 29) but I also don’t want to age. Already I see younger guys in their early twenties and...

The Best Sleep Ever

Sleep: beautiful, wonderful, drowsy, deep, restful sleep. Don’t we love it? Isn’t it one of the best things in life? Doesn’t it keep us well-rested, content and healthy? And isn’t it a drag when we can’t have it? I was talking with a client recently about sleep....

Beyond Pride

This column is the result of a question I’ve been asking myself lately: What is “beyond” pride? Another way to put it is: “What comes after Pride?” I’ve been to about fifty Pride celebrations since I came out (in a men’s group in downtown Manhattan in 1983)....

It’s Summertime and People are Falling in Love

New love is exciting: it makes everything better. It releases all kinds of powerful hormones in the body that elevate our moods and make it easy to overlook any potentially annoying habits of our new partner. About twenty years’ ago- as a psychotherapist working at Kaiser...

Don’t Suffer

I used to be in a Buddhist study group. One of the main tenets of Buddhism was: Pain is part of life; suffering is optional. What this means to me is that there is no way to avoid pain and difficulty – they’re just part of...

Moving Fast; Never Satisfied

This is a tale of two men. The first guy, Carlos* was in his mid-thirties. When I met him, he talked so fast and thought so rapidly that I wondered if he suffered from ADHD (he didn’t). The second guy, Daniel* was a little older...