Holiday Hell? Here’s what you can do…

As a psychotherapist, this is one of the busiest times of year. Why? Because “The Holidays” bring up so many unrealistic expectations for many of us. We get depressed because we compare ourselves, our gifts and our families with what we think other people experience....

Are You Emotionally Sober?

Many years’ ago, I had a boyfriend who liked to call me late at night, after he’d been drinking too much. He was a sweet, sentimental drunk. Eventually, the romance turned to friendship, he found AA and stopped drinking. But, he never worked on the problems...

What’s on your back burner?

Some of us are used to living in an ongoing state of crisis; we don’t know what it’s like to have a calm, peaceful life. And when we begin to feel more peaceful, it can actually be scary. We’re not used to it; it makes...

“Why am I still alone?”

Dear Michael: I read you all the time in Gay San Diego and I usually like what you have to say, so I decided to ask you the question that, after much soul-searching, I cannot answer: why am I still alone? I am a 44-year-old gay man,...

Halloween Every Day

Now that Halloween is over, have you ever wondered why people like it so much?   We get to dress up in costumes. We get to try on other personalities. We get to be playful and creative.   Why not do this every day? Why be so creative only once a...

Friendship and Romance

How do you grow a friendship? How do you encourage a brand-new romance? Are the basic underlying principles the same for both, or not? Some people – looking for love – want to skip the friendship phase of getting to know someone and go right to...

Molecular Reorganization

In college, I avoided science courses as much as possible. They seemed so hard and not very relevant to my goal of becoming a psychotherapist. I stuck to psychology, sociology and counseling classes, whenever possible (there was that "Probability and Statistics" class I had to...

Lower the Wall

So many of us feel lonely: we spend countless hours on Instagram or other social media trying to feel connected, like we matter to someone. And yet, with “real” people, we put up walls to keep them at a distance so that they can’t hurt...

I want to be wild!

A few weeks’ ago, a well-adjusted bisexual guy came into my office. He was handsome, smart, successful and quite happy with his life. So, I was a bit surprised when, out of the blue, he burst out with: “I want to be wild!” It certainly got...