Taming Self-Doubt: What Would Stacy Do?

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I have long admired Stacy Abrams. When she lost the Georgia governor’s race in a very unethical election supervised by her opponent, Brian Kemp, she decided to fight back by founding multiple organizations devoted to voting rights, training and hiring young people of color. Ms. Abrams...

Your Mental Health

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With COVID-19 spikes, quarantining, telecommuting, home schooling, unemployment, Trump’s latest stupidity, local businesses forced to shut down and an ever-present sense of doom, your mental health is more important than ever. A recent poll by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 45% of adults say that...

How to Have Safe Sex: Now

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As things continue to “open up”, what about sex? When will that “open up”? I am not an epidemiologist, but I’ve been reading a lot of medical/science stuff relating to sex lately, in addition to hearing how my friends and clients are having sex now. Sex...

ALOR: Acceptable Levels of Risk

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These days, a lot of my conversations with clients and friends include talking about acceptable levels of risk (aka, “ALOR”). As things open back up, what kinds of risk are you comfortable with? Are you comfortable going to a restaurant? A bar? A barber shop?...

The New Normal

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In a pandemic, our old ideas about how life works no longer apply. We don’t know when or how this time of quarantining will end. Hell, we can’t even predict what will happen next week, so much is changing so fast. As a psychotherapist, it’s clear...

Power, Love & Presence

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As young people, most of us start off feeling pretty powerful. We have the confidence, naiveté and energy of our twenties and are excited about all the sweet, untasted possibilities of life. In our thirties, we get our first taste of being older: we are no...

Your Sex Life Can Get Better with Age: Here’s How

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There is a myth that the older we are, the worse our sex life will be. Fortunately, this is bullshit. I have seen many clients whose sex lives improved as they moved into their forties, fifties, sixties and beyond. I know that this isn’t (yet) the...

Surprise! I was Wrong.

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When I wrote the initial proposal for my book, it was called “The Queer Person’s Guide to Love, Monogamy and Open Relationships” and it addressed monogamy and open relationships in the LGBTQ community). After reading the proposal, my agent said, “You need to focus more specifically...

This year: Do It Differently

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Are you a “Happy Holidays!” or “Bah, Humbug!” person? For many of us, the holidays bring crazy-making expectations. We’re bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff (with our credit cards, of course), go to parties and events (or be alone, which may feel even...

How to Balance your Heart, Mind and Genitals

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Romance. Sex. Intimacy. Hooking up. Hanging out. Do I have your attention? As men-who-love-men, we want all things from all men. We want hot sex, emotional intimacy, a great, loyal friend and a handy man who can help us fix our car/house/life. In short, we want to...