What is Community?

Posted by in lgbt

When Gay San Diego was for sale, I wondered “What will happen to the Gay San Diego community if the paper goes under?” Luckily, Terry Sidie bought the paper and it has been renamed/revitalized/ relaunched. It’s hard to keep a paper going in these online/social media-saturated times....

Love, Sex and Grindr

Posted by in lgbt

This column originated in questions that I’ve gotten from my clients, such as: Is it true that too much Grindr or Scruff sex makes you numb? Does Grindr encourage sex addiction? My friend met his husband on Grindr: why can’t I? Has Scruff replaced dating and going to bars? Grindr,...

I Don’t Want to Get Older

Posted by in lgbt

Dear Michael:  I don’t want to get older. I look at old gay men and I don’t like what I see. I don’t want to die young (I’m 29) but I also don’t want to age. Already I see younger guys in their early twenties and...

Beyond Pride

Posted by in lgbt

This column is the result of a question I’ve been asking myself lately: What is “beyond” pride? Another way to put it is: “What comes after Pride?” I’ve been to about fifty Pride celebrations since I came out (in a men’s group in downtown Manhattan in 1983)....

Moving Fast; Never Satisfied

Posted by in lgbt

This is a tale of two men. The first guy, Carlos* was in his mid-thirties. When I met him, he talked so fast and thought so rapidly that I wondered if he suffered from ADHD (he didn’t). The second guy, Daniel* was a little older...

How A Library Saved my Life

Posted by in lgbt

Wellington, Ohio had a few more than 2,000 people when I was growing up there. It had one stoplight and 7 bars, one school building that housed all grades from kindergarten to high school. And it had a library. This library saved my life. I knew I...

Are You Emotionally Sober?

Posted by in lgbt

Many years’ ago, I had a boyfriend who liked to call me late at night, after he’d been drinking too much. He was a sweet, sentimental drunk. Eventually, the romance turned to friendship, he found AA and stopped drinking. But, he never worked on the problems...

You Can Fix Your Childhood           

Posted by in lgbt

Most of us think that the bad stuff that happened to us when we were kids is hardwired into our brains. We try to change old habits/patterns and find it almost impossible. We notice how much like our parents we are, or how our bosses...

The Marvels of Midlife

Posted by in lgbt

When I was 20, I thought that my sex life would be over at 40. When I was 30, I thought that my best years were behind me and I’d better find “Mr. Right” and settle down…and fast! At 40, I thought that I was...

Look for the Helpers

Posted by in lgbt

This is not the column I had planned to write. But, this week I’ve been very inspired by two experiences: The terrific LGBT Exhibit at the San Diego History Center and the powerful documentary on Children’s TV star Mr. Rogers: “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”. What’s...