When You’re New In Town

 

When You’re New In Town

Posted by Michael Kimmel in Columns 16 Mar 2015

Dear Michael:
I am a new guy in town and feeling very lonely.  Don’t give me the usual advice “get out there and mingle and get involved” because I’ve heard this so often I’ll puke if you give me that rap again.  I’m handsome, successful and a great catch. What’s wrong with all the women here, they’re so stuck up and unfriendly.  
Signed,
Bad Attitude in Kensington

Dear BAIK:

Okay, I’ll spare you the sweetness and light approach and cut to the chase: why do you think people are responding to you in a “stuck up and unfriendly” way?  Could they be mirroring back to you what they’re seeing?

I’m not being rude: this is simply a reality check.  What are you presenting to others?  Do YOU appear unapproachable?  Are you so defensive and afraid that others can’t see the wonderful you underneath?

Give to others what you want to get back.  It works.  If you are smiling and friendly, walking down the aisle in the supermarket, enjoying your own company, sitting in a café, working out at a gym, people will WANT to know you.

Many of us found San Diego a bit scary when we first moved here, but I promise you there are lots of great people here, just waiting to meet you.  Give us a chance.